Oh how he loves me.......

today at church we reading in Matthew when Jesus is about to go and pray and he asks his disciples to stay and wait.. now these disciples were literally followers of Jesus, they stuck by his side for 3 years during his ministry, and the same guys are sleeping while Jesus is sweating blood because he is filled with grief knowing that he is going to die soon. And he even tells Peter that he is going to deny him 3 times... Jesus after 3 times tells them to sleep but tells them that his betrayal is coming...Jesus loves his disciples so much that when they fell asleep 3 times, he didn't yell or get upset at them , he told them to get some rest and sleep. I see how often I do this when i am trying to do a devo or journal or just pray and talk to God and I wake up an hour later and im sleeping and its disappointing to me that I couldn't give God an hour or however long I spend with God that it turns into me sleeping or running hiding away from Jesus. why is it that we can spend an hour on the phone or texting, talking with friends but not with God, or wathc a 2 and a half hour movie... I am trying to still grasp why i cant do this. i should wana spend time with Jesus just as the disciples did, but they too fell asleep. Then i go deeper and think about why Christians go do their sit listen and leave church have to be out of church in a hour and we get mad if the pastor goes over time because we have to go get food and hang out with friends? Can someone tell me why cuzz i sure as heck don't get it...
back to what i was saying earlier before my passion starting erupting... (sorry about that) This is how much the Lord loves me and its amazing. i think of how much he suffered on that day of his crucifixion and how he paid the price for me.. its like this daily with Jesus Christ, i do something wrong and sin and sin and sin but yet he tells me that he loves me and forgives me over and over.. My God loves me and has paid that price by dying on the cross for me and the world... I wish i could have a speck of love for people like God does... to have people disobey you hundreds and thousands of times, but in an instant the sin isn't even in memory... I think about how we so often hold grudges against people for wronging us and then we don't talk to them or whatever it may be. i wana have the attitude and the love that Christ has and stop doing that, stop being rude to people or not talk to someone because they have made me mad.. i wana forgive and let things go.. in my past relationships with people i have done that and held on to things and it was honestly dumb.. its never gonna solv e ne thing...

Father help me to love and care for people like you do.... thanks for loving me and opening my eyes to recognize this... continue to work and stir my heart ...