Oh how he loves me.......

today at church we reading in Matthew when Jesus is about to go and pray and he asks his disciples to stay and wait.. now these disciples were literally followers of Jesus, they stuck by his side for 3 years during his ministry, and the same guys are sleeping while Jesus is sweating blood because he is filled with grief knowing that he is going to die soon. And he even tells Peter that he is going to deny him 3 times... Jesus after 3 times tells them to sleep but tells them that his betrayal is coming...Jesus loves his disciples so much that when they fell asleep 3 times, he didn't yell or get upset at them , he told them to get some rest and sleep. I see how often I do this when i am trying to do a devo or journal or just pray and talk to God and I wake up an hour later and im sleeping and its disappointing to me that I couldn't give God an hour or however long I spend with God that it turns into me sleeping or running hiding away from Jesus. why is it that we can spend an hour on the phone or texting, talking with friends but not with God, or wathc a 2 and a half hour movie... I am trying to still grasp why i cant do this. i should wana spend time with Jesus just as the disciples did, but they too fell asleep. Then i go deeper and think about why Christians go do their sit listen and leave church have to be out of church in a hour and we get mad if the pastor goes over time because we have to go get food and hang out with friends? Can someone tell me why cuzz i sure as heck don't get it...
back to what i was saying earlier before my passion starting erupting... (sorry about that) This is how much the Lord loves me and its amazing. i think of how much he suffered on that day of his crucifixion and how he paid the price for me.. its like this daily with Jesus Christ, i do something wrong and sin and sin and sin but yet he tells me that he loves me and forgives me over and over.. My God loves me and has paid that price by dying on the cross for me and the world... I wish i could have a speck of love for people like God does... to have people disobey you hundreds and thousands of times, but in an instant the sin isn't even in memory... I think about how we so often hold grudges against people for wronging us and then we don't talk to them or whatever it may be. i wana have the attitude and the love that Christ has and stop doing that, stop being rude to people or not talk to someone because they have made me mad.. i wana forgive and let things go.. in my past relationships with people i have done that and held on to things and it was honestly dumb.. its never gonna solv e ne thing...

Father help me to love and care for people like you do.... thanks for loving me and opening my eyes to recognize this... continue to work and stir my heart ...

So sometimes I think about people in a different view... its hard to not look at what someone is wearing or how they talk or who they hang around with, but what do people think of me? Do i come off rude, stuck up, or just maybe a strong personality? Well its been bothering me about some things when people dont get to know someone before they immediately dont like someone. I try, really, to get to know people and see their world like they see it and put my feet in their shoes or sandals ha.. How come some people dont even take the time to have a converstaion with someone... i usually dont write stuff like this but it really was getting to me. I am the kind of person who wants to be friends with eveyone and I know some people arent going to like the way i am, but i am sorry this is me!

Courtney who laughs forever at the silliest things, LOVES adventure and trying new things, loves nature and just enjoying the life God has given me..

So i guess i will just blow it off and say whatev cuz this is me yo... take it or leave it ... peace...

by my side in the dead of night

So I am laying and thinking, praying. just my normal time before i go to bed... I am thinking about sooo many things like am i going to sleep in tomorrow but i have alot of hw to do or should I spend most of my day in prayer and time with God because I am speaking on sunday... or what the heck am i going to do with my life... do i have the strength to make it tomorrow? This week was probably the longest and most stressful and selfless week for this semester for me and there was a point when I wanted to just stop and just sit and do nothing. I didnt want to get more coffee and didnt want to put on my smile and shake 50 peoples hands consistently for 4 days... I had reached the breaking point.. I got a chance a chance to break away and go read the psamls. i read about how God was our strength and how he carries you through the darkest and lowest of times. A while ago i used to find strength in my clothes, hair, boys, and even just people.. now i look at how it used to be and am so glad i don't ne more cuz that was just plain stupid. to even think that those things brought me joy was just silly. i now look through the lens of my eyes at a different and backwards view. I see my joy and happiness come from Jesus Christ who is my strong tower who wont let me fall from him. I was listening to this song today about how we so often run from the hands of the beholder. God is trying to hold me in his hands and im dumb enough to keep looking, running and searching for more. today it hit me again that i was running from the hands that made me and he is molding me into his creation. He is constantly changing me and i love it! I hope that my eyes are open and my heart is truely changed... So stop running from him cuz he isnt leaving nor hiding around the corner. hes right by my side.... night

Becoming Active

1 billion people live without safe drinking water. 800,000 people every year—the majority of whom are children—are trafficked into forced prostitution, forced labor and other types of "slavery" (27 million currently enslaved worldwide). 143 million children are orphaned or abandoned, with an additional 35,000 added daily as a result of the HIV/AIDS crisis.
http://www.theactivistdrink.com/thedrink.html. Do these few choice sentences hit you right in the face?! My hopes for the answer that comes from you is yes! Yes to want to stop these statistics from ever growing more and yes to want to take a stand for justice. I hope your yes isn't just a simple okay this is fact now move on, but that your yes is a movement of action that is stirred in the depths of your being to want to stop poverty from overtaking the population, stop the forced labor going on to create the clothes, shoes, earings etc that your phalangies are wearing at this instant, to the HIV/AIDS victims that are ever so covering our planet, to the billion people who drink the dirty and polluted water daily. I can't believe this is actually happening? Can you...? I wish it wouldn't, but it is. Now, its our turn to help stop it, make a u-turn and make it right!

Satisfy

I was thinking today about food and what i was going to do for lunch... so i went and took some food out of my fridge and cooked it. I was thinking about how food isnt ever satisfying, like at all. When it comes to life and necessities, what do i really need? So i started thinking about how ridiculous I can be. I think that I need food at that moment or I'm going to die or something. What I need to have crammed and lodged in my head is that my daily bread and satisfaction should come from the Lord. He is enough and he will sustain me to be okay. I think in my mind I make it seem like I have to have that shirt or I have to get that purse, but in reality i dont. I need to be in the word and find my satisfaction in God and know that he is enough and he will supply all my needs as long as I am living an obedient life. I am in submission to his authority. I love it! It makes me so happy that I can rely and place my trust, hope, faith and love into a real and loving Father. In the Bible it talks about how the Lord supplies food for the birds of the airs and the flowers of the fields, but how much more precious are we, his children. He will never leave my side and that gets my soul sooo stoked! So back to my thinking about the food I ate, I was still hungry afterwords, but the word of God that I read left me filled, complete and truly happy. My satisfaction, I pray, comes from my God and nothing else that will keep me looking for another thing to fill it or something that is satisfying. You can feel this too .... Just ask... its alll yours!

So what exactly is captivity? Well, captivity is the state or period of being held, imprisoned, enslaved, or confined. If you have ever heard of Human Trafficking this word means everything to a victim. It's like the word is their life. Serious. There are 27 million slaves world-wide and all are being held captive. They don't have a say in anything they do from what they wear, eat, say, walk or even who they talk to. They are moved from Brothel to brothel from corner to another house to hotel to construction sites. These captives are held and enslaved for months to years. I was soooo furious when I first learned about this. I wanted to got right away into the darkest of places and take these girls out of this situation that they didn't choose. I wish I could just help people to see what is going on around the world and even in peoples backyards. If we just open our eyes and see something that is really huge and seriously gross and so disturbing, I believe with God's strength and power Human Trafficking will cease. This is a 9 billion dollar industry so it's not an easy task that we have at hand. It takes our voices to be heard for the ones who don't. It takes networking and people with a passion to come together, get and share ideas and i know things will start happening. Today I visited Faith Community Church and a lady from Australia came and talked about how she started a ministry in Greece that takes victims and helps them get back to living a normal life. They revive their health and tell them about a God who has a life and plan for them. They even have help from police to close down brothels in the areas across Europe. SICK!!! THIS IS SERIOUSLY AMAZING AND i see how we need to take action NOW. I want to live a risky life like this and not be scared to go into the darkest places and go where no one has paved a path and walkway before. I Want the Lord to use me and equip me which he will as long as i trust in him and let him lead my life. I want my passion to explode into the unknown places! I want my passion to impact the captives!