Time

Sometimes I think that the right time is never gonna come and after prayer and focusing on God, the time is now. It always has been. I am so glad that i can trust in the Lord to direct me in this next season of my life. I cant wait to see what happens with this. My smiling and laughing have exceded beyond what I thought would never happen. My heart pounds fast with excitement and joy. The other half as well is hearing and listening to what the Lord holds in store.. pure happiness!

Tonight was very interesting. My brother told me he was having people over for cinco de mayo and one of his friends' was turning 21 so I went over to say hi because I havent been able to see him to much because of school and both of our schedules are different. As I was entering the front of his house all his friends already start "ohh theres lil Raphy" which they called Ryan, my brother, in high school. I find my brother and it was so nice to hug him and see how he was doing. About an hour passes and people are wasted... now I have never been to a party before, just to my brothers house to see him when he has people over... but I am not really sure how to act at a party nor really wana associate with these idiots. Theres guys coming up to me and ask me how old I am or if I am single or legal or whatever stupid crap they ask and I just am really grossed out by first off that the guy is drunk like no other and that he thinks he is going to even come close to me for one sec... My brother is singing kareokee and tells the guy to get away from me... YES love big brothers..... so the night is going and I am talking with an old friend who I have grown up with so we were making fun of all the dumb people there. The same guy who came up to me was on the couch and was seriously out of it for about 30 min and the guys got a sharpee marker and drew alllll over his face and arms... now i am already feeling bad for the guy because he obviously doesnt feel good and then the drawings were horrible. The guy wakes up and looks at his arms and was allll mad and then asked if it was on his faceand I couldnt lie nor wanted too so I gave him some stuff to wipe it off but he was reallllyyy mad... I went and got my brother and he took care of it thankfully. My brother takes him outside and we arent sure if its true but he said that his brother and two best friends just died. he came in crying and my heart just dropped to the lowest pit of my stomach. I wanted to cry and help him. At that moment I knew that the obsessive amount of drinking could and most likely was to help cover what is going on in his heart because its hurting. I felt like even though i didnt write on him that I was still at fault. I dont know why because I didnt do anything, but i felt like maybe I shouldve stopped those jerks from writing on him and causing the hurt and anguish that was stirring inside his being to pour out. I felt like a jerk myself. I pray that he stayed at my brothers house and didnt drive home, but I will never know.. but i hope next time I am in a situation like this I will stand up and put a stop to it. No one knew that this was going on with this guy and to top that, only one guy knew him at this party and that friend wasnt awake either when this happened. I pray that God will help him and be with him during this rough time.
On a lighter note I got to see my brother Jeremy too and meet his new girl friend who was very nice... I know I will sleep like a baby tonight.. peace yo...

He is able.....

A couple weeks ago this girl from my school came up to me and asked if we could go play basketball sometime so I was really excited because not alot of girls play ball here... So i said we could go play after I got off work. We have hung out before but I have never asked about her life and where she came from. I knew she lived about 30 min away from the school, but I didnt know much details about her as a person. I always love hearing about peoples lives and where they came and how they are who they are now.. if that makes sense. So previous to her coming up to me I was thinking about this exchange student that I met in High School from Russia... random.. but at dinner we were talking and she told me that she was from Russia... It was sooo wweird that i had just been thinking about this girl from Russia of all places and that this girl was also from Russia. So I am kinda shocked right now but still listening to this story. She said she had grown up in an orphanage and that she had been adopted here to the US when she was younger. Now if some people dont really know me my heart is allll for orphans, widows and human trafficking.. sooo my heart was stoked to hear from a person who had lived in an orphanage. your probably thinking why was I so excited? but I was so stoked to be able to hear from the mouth of a person what her experience was like living in a place with a bunch of orphans and no parents. I was so intrigued about her story... the reason why I wrote this was about two and a half years ago I went to "Imagine" which was this huge conference/concert/seminar deal that was all about human trafficking, poverty and orphans and God had put a passion to open an orphangage for victims of human trafficking and orphans and even kids off the streets to come and have a safe place to come and recieve counseling, medical, job opportunites, and the gospel. I dont want them to just recieve a "its okay, stay here for a week then you gotta get out of here" or how do you feel now that you have been sexually exploited?" I want them to come out knowing that there is a God who loves them and can rebuild their lives and restore their purity, wholeness and love for people who have broken them in the past. sooo I asked God about a week before I met with this girl to restore this passion in my heart that burned soo much and he did.. I dont know if this was a kinda "yes" sorta like to my question to him or what but I will continue to aske and seek... Praise God and I pray that I allow myself to be open to being molded, shaped and used for his glory, not mine. I know he will continue to lead me and pull me through... It says in Isaiah 64:4 "There has never been another God like me, because I truly care about you and everything you are going through. I see your situation. I know your hearts desire, and I am willing to move powerfully on your behalf. Trust me; I am able." I got this as an email today and as I was meditating on this word I couldnt help but sing and smile and be joyess.(if thats how you spell it)... I know that God hears me when I call and he knows what my deisres are... so I will him do the rest for every aspect of my life....

Oh how he loves me.......

today at church we reading in Matthew when Jesus is about to go and pray and he asks his disciples to stay and wait.. now these disciples were literally followers of Jesus, they stuck by his side for 3 years during his ministry, and the same guys are sleeping while Jesus is sweating blood because he is filled with grief knowing that he is going to die soon. And he even tells Peter that he is going to deny him 3 times... Jesus after 3 times tells them to sleep but tells them that his betrayal is coming...Jesus loves his disciples so much that when they fell asleep 3 times, he didn't yell or get upset at them , he told them to get some rest and sleep. I see how often I do this when i am trying to do a devo or journal or just pray and talk to God and I wake up an hour later and im sleeping and its disappointing to me that I couldn't give God an hour or however long I spend with God that it turns into me sleeping or running hiding away from Jesus. why is it that we can spend an hour on the phone or texting, talking with friends but not with God, or wathc a 2 and a half hour movie... I am trying to still grasp why i cant do this. i should wana spend time with Jesus just as the disciples did, but they too fell asleep. Then i go deeper and think about why Christians go do their sit listen and leave church have to be out of church in a hour and we get mad if the pastor goes over time because we have to go get food and hang out with friends? Can someone tell me why cuzz i sure as heck don't get it...
back to what i was saying earlier before my passion starting erupting... (sorry about that) This is how much the Lord loves me and its amazing. i think of how much he suffered on that day of his crucifixion and how he paid the price for me.. its like this daily with Jesus Christ, i do something wrong and sin and sin and sin but yet he tells me that he loves me and forgives me over and over.. My God loves me and has paid that price by dying on the cross for me and the world... I wish i could have a speck of love for people like God does... to have people disobey you hundreds and thousands of times, but in an instant the sin isn't even in memory... I think about how we so often hold grudges against people for wronging us and then we don't talk to them or whatever it may be. i wana have the attitude and the love that Christ has and stop doing that, stop being rude to people or not talk to someone because they have made me mad.. i wana forgive and let things go.. in my past relationships with people i have done that and held on to things and it was honestly dumb.. its never gonna solv e ne thing...

Father help me to love and care for people like you do.... thanks for loving me and opening my eyes to recognize this... continue to work and stir my heart ...

So sometimes I think about people in a different view... its hard to not look at what someone is wearing or how they talk or who they hang around with, but what do people think of me? Do i come off rude, stuck up, or just maybe a strong personality? Well its been bothering me about some things when people dont get to know someone before they immediately dont like someone. I try, really, to get to know people and see their world like they see it and put my feet in their shoes or sandals ha.. How come some people dont even take the time to have a converstaion with someone... i usually dont write stuff like this but it really was getting to me. I am the kind of person who wants to be friends with eveyone and I know some people arent going to like the way i am, but i am sorry this is me!

Courtney who laughs forever at the silliest things, LOVES adventure and trying new things, loves nature and just enjoying the life God has given me..

So i guess i will just blow it off and say whatev cuz this is me yo... take it or leave it ... peace...

by my side in the dead of night

So I am laying and thinking, praying. just my normal time before i go to bed... I am thinking about sooo many things like am i going to sleep in tomorrow but i have alot of hw to do or should I spend most of my day in prayer and time with God because I am speaking on sunday... or what the heck am i going to do with my life... do i have the strength to make it tomorrow? This week was probably the longest and most stressful and selfless week for this semester for me and there was a point when I wanted to just stop and just sit and do nothing. I didnt want to get more coffee and didnt want to put on my smile and shake 50 peoples hands consistently for 4 days... I had reached the breaking point.. I got a chance a chance to break away and go read the psamls. i read about how God was our strength and how he carries you through the darkest and lowest of times. A while ago i used to find strength in my clothes, hair, boys, and even just people.. now i look at how it used to be and am so glad i don't ne more cuz that was just plain stupid. to even think that those things brought me joy was just silly. i now look through the lens of my eyes at a different and backwards view. I see my joy and happiness come from Jesus Christ who is my strong tower who wont let me fall from him. I was listening to this song today about how we so often run from the hands of the beholder. God is trying to hold me in his hands and im dumb enough to keep looking, running and searching for more. today it hit me again that i was running from the hands that made me and he is molding me into his creation. He is constantly changing me and i love it! I hope that my eyes are open and my heart is truely changed... So stop running from him cuz he isnt leaving nor hiding around the corner. hes right by my side.... night

Becoming Active

1 billion people live without safe drinking water. 800,000 people every year—the majority of whom are children—are trafficked into forced prostitution, forced labor and other types of "slavery" (27 million currently enslaved worldwide). 143 million children are orphaned or abandoned, with an additional 35,000 added daily as a result of the HIV/AIDS crisis.
http://www.theactivistdrink.com/thedrink.html. Do these few choice sentences hit you right in the face?! My hopes for the answer that comes from you is yes! Yes to want to stop these statistics from ever growing more and yes to want to take a stand for justice. I hope your yes isn't just a simple okay this is fact now move on, but that your yes is a movement of action that is stirred in the depths of your being to want to stop poverty from overtaking the population, stop the forced labor going on to create the clothes, shoes, earings etc that your phalangies are wearing at this instant, to the HIV/AIDS victims that are ever so covering our planet, to the billion people who drink the dirty and polluted water daily. I can't believe this is actually happening? Can you...? I wish it wouldn't, but it is. Now, its our turn to help stop it, make a u-turn and make it right!